| Matt Facts: Matthew dislikes drinking cold drinks from coffee mugs. He also hates plastic forks. | | Did you Know? Toothpicks are overrated. | | Words of Inspiration: "You can tell a lot about a fellow by the way he eats Jelly Beans" – R.Regan | | Did you know? There are no Pez Facts. Pez is, in fact, not factual. | | Matt Facts: Matthew's fortune cookies always predict success. | | Words of Inspiration: When I'm sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead - Barney Stinson | | Did you know? "Buf­falo buf­falo Buf­falo buf­falo buf­falo buf­falo Buf­falo buf­falo” is a gram­mat­i­cally valid sentence. | | Matt Facts: Matthew is best served on the rocks with a slice of lemon. | | Words of Inspiration: "Life is futile." | | Did you Know? Dinosaurs and Dandelions is the name of a popular blog that has been around since the 15 April 2010 | | Matt Facts: Unlike some people, Matthew only celebrates his birthday once a year. | | Words of Inspiration: "I'll be back" - The Terminator. | | Did you Know? The two modern breeds of Cocker Spaniel, American and English, are thought to have been descended from only two dogs? | | Matt Facts: On the second to last full moon of the year, Matthew develops an itch on his right shoulder. | | Words of Inspiration: “You can do it!” - Rob Schneider, in every Adam Sandler movie ever | | Did you know? Lettuce is often eaten raw. | | Words of Inspiration: "Science is always at work and never sleeps – just like Rust" | | Did you Know? When you dream, every­thing you see in that dream, you’ve seen before in real life. | | Matt Facts: Matthew officially endorses the Cadbury's Moro bar as being delicious | | Did You Know? A tadpole is also called a 'pollywog'. | | Matt Facts: Matthew has his own Facebook fan page. Creepy. | | Did You Know? Cats sleep for 70% of their lives. | | Words of Inspiration: "End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it." - Gandalf. | | Did you Know? This is the end. The journey ends here. Then it starts all over again. |

Thursday, 23 May 2013

Cooking with Matthew: Punch!

Why, hello. I hope you are ready for another delicious recipe. Today we are looking at a party favourite, punch. Punch comes from the Hindu word for five and was introduced into Britain in the early seventeenth century. Traditionally punch contains a combination of fruit and liquor, however at uncouth parties the punch may be progressively “spiked” during the night until it contains almost only alcohol. Or so I’m told.

Punch (Serves One)
Liquor (your choice!)
1. Liquor yourself up
Top tip: Aim to drink as much as possible as quickly as possible
2. Form your hand into a fist, with your thumb on the outside
3. Swing wildly at the nearest fellow party goer
4. Enjoy!

Monday, 20 May 2013

Top 5: Reasons to wear Pants

5. They provide something for you to sit on.

4. To conform to societies expectations of you.

3. Fashion: who doesn’t like a bit of colour?

2. Somewhere to wipe your hands when they’re dirty.

1. They keep your genitals warm.

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

My All-Ferguson Manchester United XI

Following Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement, it's time to have a look at the best players to have come through the club under his reign. Ferguson has been in charge of the club since 1986 and under his reign Manchester United has won 13 Premier League titles, five FA Cup's, won the UEFA Champions League twice and the FIFA World Club Cup once, so there are a fair few names to choose from.

Because we have to start somewhere, lets begin at the most obvious place: Goalkeeper.
Goalkeeper: Peter Schmeichel (398 games, 1 goal

Schmeichel is the obvious choice for Goalkeeper. Joining Man U in 1991, he was named as the World's Best Goalkeeper in 1992 and 1993. At 191cm tall and weighing in at around 105kg, Schmeichel had to have special XXXL goalkeeper shirts made for him.

In his eight years at the club he became a legend and the 1998-99 season ended with the club winning the treble, Schmeichel was captain of the sides 1999 UEFA Champions League winning side.

Perhaps the best way to show how valuable he was is the fact that the club had great difficulty replacing him, trying solid but uninspiring players like Tim Howard and Roy Carroll, the insane Frenchman Fabian Barthez and even an Australia, Mark Bosnich, as they got increasingly desperate to find a quality replacement.
Right Back: Gary Neville (602 games, 7 goals)

A one-club player, Neville joined the club in 1991 and made his senior debut in 1992. One of a group of amazing youth players in the club that would go onto achieve great things, Neville was the clubs first choice right back for almost 20 years. He took over the captaincy following Roy Keane's departure in 2005. He also was a regular for England, and is his country's most capped right back.

Centre-back: Steve Bruce (309 games, 36 goals)

One of the best English players to never represent his country, Bruce made his United debut in 1987 and went on to captain the club to The Double in 1994. With a playing style described as "rampaging", Bruce was often in disciplinary trouble yet was a high goal scorer for a defender. Bruce is now a respected club manager and this year led Hull City to promotion to the Premier League.

Centre-back: Gary Pallister (437 games, 15 goals)

A tough as bricks centre defender, Pallister played for Manchester United between 1989 and 1998. Now a director of Darlington, Pallister transferred to Man Utd from Middlesbrough in what was then a record British fee. He formed a formidable partnership with Steve Bruce and by the time of his departure he was the only player to have been involved in all of Ferguson's titles.

Left Back: Phil Neville (386 games, 8 goals)

The younger, and slightly less famous, brother of Gary, Phil currently captains Everton. He made his debut in 1994 and developed a role as somewhat of a utility, only fully establishing himself at left back following the departure of Denis Irwin. However, Phil starts in my side because I like him far more as a player. Neville was sold to Everton in 2005, for a £3.5 million.

(Defensive) Centre midfield: Roy Keane - captain (480 games, 51 goals)

The one and only Roy Keane took Steve Bruce's aggressive playing style and turbocharged it in the way only an Irishman could. Keane became captain in 1997, following Eric Cantona's retirement. He spent twelve years at the club and is my captain as during that time he won more trophies than any other United captain. Keane left in 2005 to join Celtic and after retirement became another of Ferguson's ex players to go into club management.

(Attacking) Centre midfield: Paul Scholes (716* games, 155 goals)

Scholes has just announced his second retirement, following Ferguson into the sunset. He originally retired in 2011 before being talked into a comeback in early 2012. Scholes is another of the juniors that came up through the ranks in 1994-95 and has been a fixture in the side ever since, amassing over 700 games for the club and 66 for his country.

Right midfield: David Beckham (394 games, 85 goals)

While being a lock for inclusion into this side, putting Beckham into the starting line up was something of a closer call. In the end though his talent, and reputation, meant he had to be in the first XI. Another of the golden juniors, Beckham left for Real Madrid in 2003 along with his wife, Posh Spice.

Left midfield: Ryan Giggs (929* games, 167 goals)

The one and only Ryan Giggs. He has scored a goal in each of the Premier League's 21 seasons, which is simply amazing. Chances are he may go another year as well. Maybe.

Centre forward: Wayne Rooney (390* games, 194 goals)

Perhaps having now played his last game for the club, Rooney has done enough since joining the club in 2004 to make the side. Joining as a promising youngster from the mean streets of Everton, Rooney took the drastic step of getting hair implants in 2011. They did the trick and Rooney has scored for the club at an impressive strike rate of around 50 percent.

Centre forward: Mark Hughes (345 games, 120 goals)

The second Welsh international to make the side, Hughes has two spells at Manchester United with Ferguson bringing him back in 1988. He played 256 games for the club under Ferguson. Twice a winner of the Player of the Year award, Hughes went on to have a successful career in management post-retirement.

Edwin van der Sar (Goalkeeper; 266 games, 0 goals)
After several attempts at replacing Schmeichel, Manchester United finally came close with van der Sar. Joining in 2005, he kept goal for United until his retirement in 2011.
Rio Ferdinand (Centre-back; 420* games, 7 goals)
In 2002 he signed a five-year deal to become the most expensive British footballer in history at the time and the world's most expensive defender. He's still going, although now starting to slow down, but has somewhat justified his extensive price tag.
Denis Irwin (Right/Left Back; 529 games, 33 goals)
Perhaps unlucky to be sitting on the bench, Irwin is the fourth most capped player in this side.
Bryan Robson (Centre midfield; 345 games, 74 goals)
The longest serving captain in club history, Robson loses a point for not being a Ferguson hire. Like many players, he also had a patchy relationship with the gaffer.
Cristiano Ronaldo (Attacking midfield; 292 games, 118 goals)
Following reports that he may return to Man Utd, Ronaldo might have a chance to make the starting team of any future best XI's. A Portugese wunderkid, Ronaldo spent six years playing for United, before moving onto Real Madrid in search of bigger things.
Brian McClair (Forward; 355 games, 88 goals)
A nuggety Scottish forward, McClair now works at the clubs director of their youth academy.
Eric Cantona (Forward; 185 games, 82 goals)
The amazing Cantona joined United in 1992 and became captain in 1996. Known for the firery french flair, Cantona scored over 80 goals for the club in less than five years before his surprise retirement in 1997.

Honourable Mentions
Nemanja Vidic (Centre-back; 256* games, 19 goals)
The Serbian defender had to appeal for calm when Serbia lost to New Zealand in 2010. He also did some things for United.

Ruud van Nistelroy (Forward; 219 games, 150 goals)

van Nistelroy spent five years at Manchester United in the early 2000's. An amazing player, he would have had to stay longer to make the side.

Friday, 10 May 2013

Cooking with Matthew: Soup

Good evening ducklings and welcome to another enthralling Cooking with Matthew. As always, I'm your host and you can call me Matthew. Winter is Coming and apparently last week's recipe didn't have the desired effect of warming your extremities. This week we will try another tact, soup. Soup is a delicious liquid food that has been around since at least 1982. The word restaurant originally referred to a cheap type of soup that was sold by French street vendors.

Soup (Serves Four)
Top tip: If you don't have any water handy, substitute it with some of these and increase the cooking times.
1. Add ingredients together in a large pot.
2. Place the pot on the stove top and bring to the boil.
3. Simmer for 15 minutes.
4. Enjoy!
Extra for Experts: For flavour, try adding that broth you've been saving for the last three years.

Monday, 6 May 2013

We Want You!

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But most of all we want you to keep reading...

Friday, 3 May 2013

The Elvisaurus

Apparently I owe the world an article about a dinosaur that begins with E. Well, hello world, please keep reading.

Allow me to introduce you to the Elvisaurus. Elvis, or Cryolophosaurus as so called "serious" scientists call him, gets his name from his crest on the top of his head. This apparently looks a whole lot like Elvis' famous hairstyle, I remain unconvinced.

Much like myself, Elvisaurus had a mix of primative and advanced characteristics. The leg bones resemble early theropods while the skull resembeled an advanced Tetanurae. Elvisaurus was known to communicate via smartphone but still traveled by Steam train.

Elvisaurus remains have been discovered in Antartica, including in what is now the Ross Dependency. This means Elvis has a tenious link to New Zealand. New Zealand!