So bad, it's ridiculous!

Prepare for Wars
Watch out for Mayans,
It's Dinosaurs
and Dandelions!

It doesn't matter if you're rose or violet

Roses are black
Violets are white
The old rhyme got boring
So I repainted them last night...

Twitter is for the birds

There are birds tweeting outside, that have more interesting things to say than I do right now, but that's no reason to deprive you of reading what I have to write! What kind of bloggist would I be if I didn't force my pointless views on meaningless subjects into your LCD-lit face when you least expect it and/or expect it the most? [Please, do not answer that. It was a rhetorical question and to do so would only make you look foolish in front of our myriad of loyal readers. Loyal, bloodthirsty readers, who know where you live.]

So, here's what I think:
Ice cream is best served chilled. Do yourself a favour, and eat some chilled ice cream today. You'll never want to eat warm ice cream again and you heard it here, at Dinosaurs and Dandelions first. You can thank us later. [we now accept paypal]

The Wonderful History of Beans

Thank you, and goodnight.

Because

Divisional Playoff Round.

A poem about a man

There once was a man from Mount Eden.
He fell in the garden, whilst weedin'.
He landed in a hedge, gashed his head on a ledge, and now his hair's red from the bleedin'.

From the Vault: The Bullfrog

This article was originally written for YAWN, but never published. Matthew and Pez apoligise. Possibly.

Ah, the good old Bullfrog, or American Bullfrog to be precise. Bullfrogs are very dare to my heart, but I'm not going to tell you why. Anyway, you look like the sort of chap who wants to know a bit more about the Bullfrog, and I don't mean the video game developer.

Where to begin? Well lets see, the American Bullfrog is an aquatic frog that is native to much of North America. You'll be glad to know that it can grow up to 18cm long and its vertebrae consists of ten bones. As you may have noticed, Bullfrogs do not have Extremely Large Mandibles. The bullfrog, lucky thing, is the State Amphibian of both Missouri and Oklahoma.

Unlike me, the Bullfrog has been into space. In 1970 two bullfrogs were launched in the Orbiting Frog Otolith, which is quite simply the best name for a space mission I've ever heard. Far more catchier than Apollo 17 anyway. Turns out Otolith refers to the part of your ear that is sensitive to gravity and the sick bastards in NASA were going to spin the frogs around and around while in space to see what happens. Sadly a nice patch wasn't designed for this mission, wouldn't the little frogs look so cute with little shoulder patches?

Anyway, back to the Bullfrog. The only part of the Bullfrog which is eaten by humans is the rear legs, which resemble small chicken drumsticks – remember that next time you go into KFC. The Bullfrog is also commonly used in schools for dissections. Does High School Musical feature a bullfrog? I'm not quite sure (readers, a little help?).

The Bullfrog is a member of the “True Frogs” family, which is the widest distributed of any frog family. Most members of the True Frog family (TFF) lay their eggs in the water. Do they float? Sometimes. Are they delicious? Always. Frogs are prominent in fairy tales and usual are depicted as ugly and clumsy but with hidden talents. So be nice to your frogs. Otherwise they might go all Super Saiyan on you.

Cooking with Matthew

Hello Kittens and welcome back to another excellent edition of Cooking with Matthew. The one stop shop for all your cooking related needs and advice. This weeks we are going to learn how to cook a true classic: the Pie. Ah, the humble pie. Who doesn't love the combination of pastry and a delicious mince/steak/cheese/apple/other filling. This is one of my all time favourite recipes and an excellent one to pull out of the cookbook when you are in the depths of winter and you need something to warm the belly.

Pie (Serves One)

-Ingredients
Microwave Pie (1)
Tomato Sauce


-Procedure
1. Rip open each end of the packaging and place the pie in the middle of the microwave.
2. Cook for roughly three and a half minutes on high.
[Super Safety Warning: If your pie looks like the one to the right, then take it out of the tinfoil before inserting it into the microwave.]
3. Take the pie out of the packaging and leave it to stand for a couple of minutes.
[Extra for Experts: Try adding a slice of cheese at this stage - but not if it's a fruit pie!]
4. Smother the pie in sauce. [but not if it's a fruit pie!]
5. Enjoy!