In a surprisingly serious development this week, the nautical credibility of Cap'N Crunch was bought into question when troublesome trolls from Reddit identified that H. M. Crunch (real name Horatio Magellan) has three stripes on his uniform, instead of the four worn by a US Navy Captain. Three stripes identifies someone of the rank of Commander, who would report to a Captain.
The crisis then deepened for H. M. Crunch, with the US Navy stating that it had checked its personnel records and had no record of his service. Speculation quickly spread that he may have instead served in the French Navy, as in France three stripes signifies a Frigate Captain and he does sport a Napoleon style hat.
The maker of Cap'N Crunch cereal, Quakers*, was forced into damage control mode, stating that as he captains his own ship, the S.S. Guppy, he is a captain regardless of military rank, or service.
However, the debate rages on...
*what is with cereal companies with religious connotations?? I'm looking at you Sanitarium!
Showing posts with label America (Fuck Yeah). Show all posts
Showing posts with label America (Fuck Yeah). Show all posts
Friday, 21 June 2013
Sunday, 21 April 2013
Fatty Fat Fat: The Ultimate Sandwich
Following on from the outrageous success of last weeks traditional American cuisine, here is another authentic home style recipe designed to give you a heart attack. Again, it's stolen straight from the interweb, so enjoy!
Monday, 8 April 2013
Fatty Fat Fat: American Cuisine
Following on from the success of other cooking based articles on this here blog, we thought that today we'd introduce you to some traditional American cuisine. Following in the best American traditions, this recipe is dreadfully bad for you and the entire article is shamelessly pinched from someone else. Finally, if the below all looks like too much work, just head to this site and order one pre-made. With that now out of the way, let's begin.
Here’s what you’ll need…
At this point we can start to see the final shape of our Bacon Explosion, but we’re missing one key item. To complete the construction process, roll the sausage forward completely wrapping it in the bacon weave. Make sure it sits with the seam facing downward to help keep it all sealed up.
Look at that masterpiece! Sprinkle some barbeque seasoning on the outside of the bacon weave, and now this bad boy is ready for the smoker. Cook your Bacon Explosion at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until your BBQ gives an internal temperature reading of 165 degrees. Normally this will take about 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but that could vary depending on how well you maintain your fire and also how many times you open the smoker to take a peek. Mine took about 2.5 hours, which was right on target with its 2.5 inch diameter.
Bacon EXPLOSION!
Here’s what you’ll need…
2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage [French just doesn't taste the same]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque sauce [or your second favourite]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque rub
2 pounds Italian sausage [French just doesn't taste the same]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque sauce [or your second favourite]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque rub
To kick off the construction of this pork medley you’ll need
to create a 5×5 bacon weave. If the strips you’re using aren’t as wide
as the ones pictured, then you may need to use a few extra slices to
fill out the pattern. Just make sure your bacon weave is tight and that you end up with a nice square shape to work with.
The next step is to add some barbecue rub on top of your bacon weave.
The next step is to add some barbecue rub on top of your bacon weave.
Now that your pork is well seasoned, it’s time to add more pork. Take two pounds of Italian sausage and layer it directly on top of your bacon weave. Be sure to press the sausage to the outer edges of the bacon creating a patty that is the same thickness all the way across. I chose to go with a mild sausage, but spicy would work just the same. If you really want to get CRAZY, take a stab at making your own homemade sausage.
Next up is bacon layer number two. Take the remaining bacon slices and fry them up the same way you would for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or a midnight snack). If you like soft bacon, make it soft. If you like crunchy bacon, make it crunchy. If you like your bacon burnt to hell so the smoke detectors go off, then burn it to hell so the smoke detectors go off. These pieces are going to be a major part of the inner flavor of our sausage fatty, so cook them your favorite way. Personally, I like my bacon right at the point when it starts to get crispy, but hasn’t quite lost all of the softness yet. Regardless
of how well done you like yours, you’ll need to crumble or chop the
cooked strips into bite size pieces and place on top of the sausage
layer. (Note-It’s okay, and encouraged, to
snack on these pieces while your chopping. But keep in mind
that once those bacon morsels touch the raw sausage, you’ll need to
resist all temptations to nibble. This can and will be difficult, but hospital trips are no fun, so stay strong.)
Since this is a barbeque recipe, we need to add another layer of barbeque flavor. Take your favorite sauce and drizzle it all over the top of the bacon pieces. Once you’ve sauced the bacon, sprinkle on some more of the barbeque seasoning you used on the bacon weave.
Now comes the fun/hard part. Very carefully separate the front edge of the sausage layer from the bacon weave and begin rolling backwards. You want to include all layers EXCEPT the bacon weave in your roll. Try and keep the sausage as tight as possible and be sure to release any air pockets that may have formed. Once the sausage is fully rolled up, pinch together the seams and ends to seal all of the bacon goodness inside.Look at that masterpiece! Sprinkle some barbeque seasoning on the outside of the bacon weave, and now this bad boy is ready for the smoker. Cook your Bacon Explosion at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until your BBQ gives an internal temperature reading of 165 degrees. Normally this will take about 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but that could vary depending on how well you maintain your fire and also how many times you open the smoker to take a peek. Mine took about 2.5 hours, which was right on target with its 2.5 inch diameter.
Almost there!

Now that our Bacon Explosion is fully cooked, we need to add some finishing flavors. Remember that barbecue sauce we used for inner flavor? We’ll be using that same sauce to glaze the cooked bacon weave. Using a basting brush, coat the entire surface with a thin layer of sauce. Sweet sauces are loaded with sugars, so they’ll give your fatty a nice glossy finish. Spicy and vinegar based sauces don’t contain as much, so they won’t set up as well. If you’re dead set on using those sauces, just cut them with a bit of honey and you’ll get the same effect.
Slice the Bacon Explosion into quarter to half
inch rounds to serve. If your roll was good and tight, you should now
see a nice bacon pinwheel pattern throughout the sausage. Obviously
pork is best served by itself, but if you feel the need to make this
meat monster into a sandwich, try placing a couple Bacon
Explosion slices on a warm Pillsbury’s Grands Biscuit. You’ll reach
pork Nirvana in no time flat!
And now your only problem is, what to have for dessert?
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