Cooking with Matthew: Cheese

Well hello there my precious ducklings and welcome back to another quality Cooking Making with Matthew. Recently we were forbidden by one of the wise Editors-in-chief from creating any recipes that included Mice. As a result we have had to completly redesign today’s recipe.

Instead, today we are making something that is for mice. Namely, cheese. 

Cheese (serves 12…mice)

Ingredients

• Milk (preferably from a cow)

Procedure

1. Ask Little Miss Muffet how to make Curds and Whey and then follow her instructions.
2. Separate the Curds from the Whey using your old smelly sock as a sieve.
3. Press the Curds to get the moisture out.
4. Refrigerate.
5. Enjoy!

[Public Health Warning: Don't, just don't...or do, but take lots of photos]

Cooking with Matthew: Punch!

Why, hello. I hope you are ready for another delicious recipe. Today we are looking at a party favourite, punch. Punch comes from the Hindu word for five and was introduced into Britain in the early seventeenth century. Traditionally punch contains a combination of fruit and liquor, however at uncouth parties the punch may be progressively “spiked” during the night until it contains almost only alcohol. Or so I’m told.

Punch (Serves One)

-Ingredients
Liquor (your choice!)

-Procedure

1. Liquor yourself up

Top tip: Aim to drink as much as possible as quickly as possible

2. Form your hand into a fist, with your thumb on the outside

3. Swing wildly at the nearest fellow party goer

4. Enjoy!

Cooking with Matthew: Soup

Good evening ducklings and welcome to another enthralling Cooking with Matthew. As always, I'm your host and you can call me Matthew. Winter is Coming and apparently last week's recipe didn't have the desired effect of warming your extremities. This week we will try another tact, soup. Soup is a delicious liquid food that has been around since at least 1982. The word restaurant originally referred to a cheap type of soup that was sold by French street vendors.

Soup (Serves Four)

-Ingredients
Water
Top tip: If you don't have any water handy, substitute it with some of these and increase the cooking times.

-Procedure
1. Add ingredients together in a large pot.
2. Place the pot on the stove top and bring to the boil.
3. Simmer for 15 minutes.
4. Enjoy!
Extra for Experts: For flavour, try adding that broth you've been saving for the last three years.

Cooking with Matthew: Ice

Oh hello. Welcome back to Cooking with Matthew. With winter coming on fast, today we are looking at the perfect dish to warm that ice cold heart of yours, Ice. Strangely, we are not the only one that offers a variant of this dish but I assure you that once you try ours, you won't turn back.

Ice (Serves Four)

-Ingredients
Water
Top tip: This recipe requires an ice cube tray to prepare properly.

-Procedure
1. Fill your ice tray with water. If you don't have an ice tray, try filling your hands with water.
2. Place the tray/hands into the freezer.
3. Wait for a while. You'll know your ice cubes are ready because their consistency will change and they will harden.
4. Enjoy!

Fatty Fat Fat: The Ultimate Sandwich

Following on from the outrageous success of last weeks traditional American cuisine, here is another authentic home style recipe designed to give you a heart attack. Again, it's stolen straight from the interweb, so enjoy!

Dandelions for Dinner?

The Dandelion side of our business often complains that it is neglected in favour of the “sexier” Dinosaurs. However that is not the case today, no sir! Today we are highlighting the work of our third favourite LA-based chef, Noelle Carter.

 

Writing in the Los Angeles Times the other week, Carter recommends using this spring delicacy with flavours such as bacon, sweet fruits and garlic. She had me at bacon.

 

Noelle recommends you avoid using Dandelions straight from your garden however, as who knows what goes on on your lawn.

Finally, she leaves us with 14 recipes that use dandelion greens – and they all look delicious!

Fatty Fat Fat: American Cuisine

Following on from the success of other cooking based articles on this here blog, we thought that today we'd introduce you to some traditional American cuisine. Following in the best American traditions, this recipe is dreadfully bad for you and the entire article is shamelessly pinched from someone else. Finally, if the below all looks like too much work, just head to this site and order one pre-made. With that now out of the way, let's begin.

Bacon EXPLOSION!

Here’s what you’ll need…

2 pounds thick cut bacon
2 pounds Italian sausage [French just doesn't taste the same]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque sauce [or your second favourite]
1 jar of your favourite barbeque rub

 To kick off the construction of this pork medley you’ll need to create a 5×5 bacon weave. If the strips you’re using aren’t as wide as the ones pictured, then you may need to use a few extra slices to fill out the pattern. Just make sure your bacon weave is tight and that you end up with a nice square shape to work with.

The next step is to add some barbecue rub on top of your bacon weave.

Now that your pork is well seasoned, it’s time to add more pork.  Take two pounds of Italian sausage and layer it directly on top of your bacon weave. Be sure to press the sausage to the outer edges of the bacon creating a patty that is the same thickness all the way across. I chose to go with a mild sausage, but spicy would work just the same. If you really want to get CRAZY, take a stab at making your own homemade sausage.

Next up is bacon layer number two. Take the remaining bacon slices and fry them up the same way you would for breakfast (or lunch, or dinner, or a midnight snack).  If you like soft bacon, make it soft. If you like crunchy bacon, make it crunchy. If you like your bacon burnt to hell so the smoke detectors go off, then burn it to hell so the smoke detectors go off. These pieces are going to be a major part of the inner flavor of our sausage fatty, so cook them your favorite way. Personally, I like my bacon right at the point when it starts to get crispy, but hasn’t quite lost all of the softness yet.  Regardless of how well done you like yours, you’ll need to crumble or chop the cooked strips into bite size pieces and place on top of the sausage layer. (Note-It’s okay, and encouraged, to snack on these pieces while your chopping. But keep in mind that once those bacon morsels touch the raw sausage, you’ll need to resist all temptations to nibble. This can and will be difficult, but hospital trips are no fun, so stay strong.)

Since this is a barbeque recipe, we need to add another layer of barbeque flavor.  Take your favorite sauce and drizzle it all over the top of the bacon pieces. Once you’ve sauced the bacon, sprinkle on some more of the barbeque seasoning you used on the bacon weave.

Now comes the fun/hard part. Very carefully separate the front edge of the sausage layer from the bacon weave and begin rolling backwards. You want to include all layers EXCEPT the bacon weave in your roll. Try and keep the sausage as tight as possible and be sure to release any air pockets that may have formed. Once the sausage is fully rolled up, pinch together the seams and ends to seal all of the bacon goodness inside.

At this point we can start to see the final shape of our Bacon Explosion, but we’re missing one key item.  To complete the construction process, roll the sausage forward completely wrapping it in the bacon weave.  Make sure it sits with the seam facing downward to help keep it all sealed up.

Look at that masterpiece! Sprinkle some barbeque seasoning on the outside of the bacon weave, and now this bad boy is ready for the smoker.  Cook your Bacon Explosion at 225 degrees in a constant cloud of hickory smoke until your BBQ gives an internal temperature reading of 165 degrees.  Normally this will take about 1 hour for each inch of thickness, but that could vary depending on how well you maintain your fire and also how many times you open the smoker to take a peek.  Mine took about 2.5 hours, which was right on target with its 2.5 inch diameter.

Almost there!

Now that our Bacon Explosion is fully cooked, we need to add some finishing flavors.  Remember that barbecue sauce we used for inner flavor? We’ll be using that same sauce to glaze the cooked bacon weave. Using a basting brush, coat the entire surface with a thin layer of sauce.  Sweet sauces are loaded with sugars, so they’ll give your fatty a nice glossy finish. Spicy and vinegar based sauces don’t contain as much, so they won’t set up as well.  If you’re dead set on using those sauces, just cut them with a bit of honey and you’ll get the same effect.

Slice the Bacon Explosion into quarter to half inch rounds to serve.  If your roll was good and tight, you should now see a nice bacon pinwheel pattern throughout the sausage.  Obviously pork is best served by itself, but if you feel the need to make this meat monster into a sandwich, try placing a couple Bacon Explosion slices on a warm Pillsbury’s Grands Biscuit.  You’ll reach pork Nirvana in no time flat!

And now your only problem is, what to have for dessert?

Cooking with Matthew: Lasagna limbotitty

Welcome back to another delicious Cooking with Matthew. Today's quick and easy recipe is another favourite based on my great uncle's dormouse recipie. Of course in today's PC world we are no longer allowed to eat dormice, so they have been substituted. This is a family friendly meal based on fusion cuisine. My estimated cooking time is about 15 minutes, followed by 5 minutes preparation time. Anyway, enough from me, lets get into it!

Lasagna Imbottiti (serves four)

These artichokes may be served hot or cold. Because they are a bit messy to eat, they should be served as a separate course. They are a good picnic food and also make a nice antipasto.

 

6 lg. sized globe artichokes
1 1/2 c. fresh bread crumbs
1 clove garlic, minced or crushed
1 sm. onion, minced (about 1/3 cup)
2 anchovy fillets, minced (optional)
2 tbsp. minced, flat Italian parsley
1/4 c. freshly grated Romano cheese
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. pepper
2/3 c. olive oil

Cream Cheese Frosting

65g unsalted butter, softened

240g icing sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla paste

100g cream cheese

Peel the potatoes and cut into chunks. Place them in a pan of cold, salted water and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat and simmer for 10 mins until tender, then drain in a colander. While they are draining, place the pan back on a low heat with the cream and vanilla pod and heat to infuse. Remove vanilla pod and take pan off the heat. Push the potatoes through a ricer back into the pan. Add the butter and seasoning, then beat to form a smooth mash. Set aside. 

Cut off artichoke stems, making a flat bottom. Trim points of leaves with kitchen shears. Remove choke, if desired, by gently separating the leaves with your fingers and scraping out the spiny center leaves with a spoon. (A grapefruit spoon with a serrated edge works best.) 

Combine bread crumbs, garlic, onion, anchovies, parsley, cheese, salt, and pepper with 1/3 cup oil. Mix well and stuff between the loosened leaves and in the center of the artichokes. Place artichokes upright in a large saucepan. Pack them together so they won't tip over. Sprinkle them with the remaining oil. Add one half inch water to the pan. Cover tightly and simmer over a low heat for 40 minutes, or until tender.

Pour off all but 1 tsp fat from the duck pan, place pan back on the heat and cook the bacon for 3 minutes until crisp. Turn up the heat, add the mushrooms and cook for 2 minutes more. Splash in the Port, add the peas and stock, then simmer for 2 minutes more. Pour any juices from the rested duck into the pan and season to taste. To serve, follow our step-by-step guide to plating up.

Cooking with Matthew: The Ham Sandwich

Good morning and welcome to today's award winning edition of Cooking with Matthew. As a card carrying member of the British Sandwich Association I'd like to share my favourite variety of sandwich, that Spanish tradition: the ham sandwich. Dating back to the 16th century, this recipe has been passed down through the family. Let's get right into it!

Ham Sandwich (Serves One)

-Ingredients
Bread (2 slices)
Butter (or I can't believe it's not butter)
Ham 

-Procedure
1. Prepare your bread slices by evenly spreading butter (or I can't believe it's not butter) on one side of each slice.
2. Place ham on the buttered side of one of the slices of bread.
[Extra for Experts: Try experimenting by adding extra ingredients, but be careful - mixing baking soda and vinegar can create an explosion]
3. Place the other slice of bread on top, with the buttered side facing the ham.
4. Cut the sandwich in half if your prefer.
5. Enjoy!

Cooking with Matthew: Pizza!

Good morning and welcome back to everyone's favourite cooking show; Cooking with Matthew. After a hiatus of almost three years, I would imagine that you are getting rather bored with the four recipes we have learned so far.

But fear not, lets learn a new scrumptious dish to go with our collection of Pies, Ice blocks, Noodles and Toast. Today we travel to an exotic far away country - Italy - and learn one of their traditional dishes, Pizza. As well as being served in Italian restuarants everywhere, Pizza is also a Friday evening favourite - delicious.

Pizza is a little known dish that combines delicious toppings with a flat bread style base.

Pizza (Serves Two)

-Ingredients
Money (anywhere between 300 to 2000 Yen converted into NZD)
A communication device (e.g. a phone, computer-internet combo, letter and pen)

A transportation device [optional]

-Procedure
1. Use your communication device to contact your pizza shop of choice and place an order.
[Vegetarian tip: For a vegetarian option, order a vegetarian pizza]
2. Either travel to the pizza shop to collect, or pay extra to have them travel to you; most establishments call this "delivery".
3. Exchange your money for the pizza.
4. Enjoy!

Cooking with Matthew

Hello Kittens and welcome back to another excellent edition of Cooking with Matthew. The one stop shop for all your cooking related needs and advice. This weeks we are going to learn how to cook a true classic: the Pie. Ah, the humble pie. Who doesn't love the combination of pastry and a delicious mince/steak/cheese/apple/other filling. This is one of my all time favourite recipes and an excellent one to pull out of the cookbook when you are in the depths of winter and you need something to warm the belly.

Pie (Serves One)

-Ingredients
Microwave Pie (1)
Tomato Sauce


-Procedure
1. Rip open each end of the packaging and place the pie in the middle of the microwave.
2. Cook for roughly three and a half minutes on high.
[Super Safety Warning: If your pie looks like the one to the right, then take it out of the tinfoil before inserting it into the microwave.]
3. Take the pie out of the packaging and leave it to stand for a couple of minutes.
[Extra for Experts: Try adding a slice of cheese at this stage - but not if it's a fruit pie!]
4. Smother the pie in sauce. [but not if it's a fruit pie!]
5. Enjoy!

Cooking with Matthew

Hello there, and welcome to another wonderful edition of Cooking with Matthew. Have you noticed the season changing lately? That's nice, we have too. So today we are going to do a recipe to take advantage of the improving weather. This one is a refreshing treat that is sure to cool you off after a long hot day. This one has been around since 1905, so it's an oldie - but it certainty is also a goodie!

Ice Blocks (Serves Six)

-Ingredients
Juice (Your choice of flavour!)
Wood (No need to cut down the Brazilian Rainforest for this one, we recommend Javan timber or popsicle sticks)
Ice Block Mold [Environmental tip: Some molds come with sticks that avoid the need for wood, now that's enviro-friendly!]

-Procedure
1. Pour Juice into Mold.
[Money Saving Tip: If your kids aren't spoiled rotten and probably won't know the different, try using one part Juice and two parts Water]
2. Place sticks in liquid.
3. Put Mold into the Freezer.
4. Leave to Freeze. (duh)
5. Enjoy!

Delicious Dandelions: Tea

This guy is pretty serious about what he does...and when you're making tea, why not! Though who knows why he makes tea over an open fire. I tend to use a kettle myself.



Unfortunately, he's no doctor.

Here's another soothing version of the tea, this time using the flowers and a coffee plunger. Sit back in your favourite lounger and have a gander:



Enjoy!

Cooking with Matthew

Hello there, and welcome back to the award winning show Cooking with Matthew. Feedback from you over our last recipe was overwhelming, it seems that many of you are now having a go in the kitchen. Excellent!

After a week of toast, we thought you might be ready to try something new. So today we are going to try a classic 1950's Asian dish, Noodles.

Cooking with Matthew

Hello there, and welcome to Cooking with Matthew. As a self rated five star chef it will be my job to walk you through the finer tips in life, so we can all have gourmet meals at our dinner tables. But enough about me, lets begin your voyage to a taste sensation!

Today my children we are making a little recipe I like to call “toast”. Toast is a Mediterranean dish, but stick with me and you too can learn how to create this simple meal! Heres how;