Cooking with Matthew: Pizza!

Good morning and welcome back to everyone's favourite cooking show; Cooking with Matthew. After a hiatus of almost three years, I would imagine that you are getting rather bored with the four recipes we have learned so far.

But fear not, lets learn a new scrumptious dish to go with our collection of Pies, Ice blocks, Noodles and Toast. Today we travel to an exotic far away country - Italy - and learn one of their traditional dishes, Pizza. As well as being served in Italian restuarants everywhere, Pizza is also a Friday evening favourite - delicious.

Pizza is a little known dish that combines delicious toppings with a flat bread style base.

Pizza (Serves Two)

-Ingredients
Money (anywhere between 300 to 2000 Yen converted into NZD)
A communication device (e.g. a phone, computer-internet combo, letter and pen)

A transportation device [optional]

-Procedure
1. Use your communication device to contact your pizza shop of choice and place an order.
[Vegetarian tip: For a vegetarian option, order a vegetarian pizza]
2. Either travel to the pizza shop to collect, or pay extra to have them travel to you; most establishments call this "delivery".
3. Exchange your money for the pizza.
4. Enjoy!

Breaking News: Pope's resignation causes Mass confusion.

In breaking news, the Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of the Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City and Servant of the Servants of God has announced his resignation from the positions. Also known as Pope Benedict XVI (real name Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger) he will become the first pope since 1294 to resign voluntarily when he does so at 8am on 28 February 2013. Despite original reports that he was resigning to work as a marketing director for Satan, it can now be confirmed that he will retire to the Collegiate Church of St. Thomas of Villanova in Italy.

German-born, the future pope was conscripted into the Hitler Youth during the War before joining the Church in 1945. In 1981 he was appointed to a position in the Vatican City and became one of Pope John Paul II’s closest confidents. He was elected Pope on 19 April 2009 following John Paul’s death. Regarded as a traditionalist or fundamentalist, Benedict has suffered deteriorating health and reportedly has trouble walking. He was recently advised by doctors to avoid long flights.

Pope Benedict XVI checking out his favourite blog; Dinosaurs and Dandelions.

The election of a new pope is done by Jesus Christ himself. Prior to this, a Papal Conclave consisting of all of the Cardinals under 80 years of age convenes to make a recommendation. There are currently estimated to be 118 eligible Cardinals, of which ten are talked about as frontrunners for the position. The Cardinals are all locked into the Sistine Chapel until they can decide on a candidate. After each election, and they may vote continuously until someone “wins”, the ballots are burned. Dark smoke signals to the world that the election didn’t have a winner while White smoke signals that a new pope has been elected. Benedict himself was elected under rules requiring only a simple majority (50%+1) however now a supermajority (75%) is required. This means that this years conclave could be a long one, potentially frustrating the Church’s wish to have a new Pope elected in time for Easter.

Berries: Revealed!

In an exclusive exposé, Your ANNUAL weekly News uncovers the shocking truth behind something that we all thought we knew and loved, Berries.

 

Question One: What do Avocados, Bananas, Tomatoes and Capsicums all have in common? Answer: They are all, technically, berries.

Woah, you say! I know, right? But how about this;

Question Two: What do Strawberries, Blackberries and Raspberries have in common?

Answer: Yes, that’s right – none of them are actually berries.

Is your mind blown yet?

Common berries.

Phrase THIS II: Kicking the bucket

Have you ever heard the phrase, “kicked the bucket”? What does it actually mean? Yes, that they died, but how the hell does that make any sense?

Now if you’ve just shouted at the screen an explanation of the phrase, first off – check around the room to make sure no one is looking at you funny. Then, give yourself a brownie point. However, you may not be correct – because, you see, there are three commonly accepted explanations for the humble phrase, and no definitive proof over which is the correct explanation.

Allow me to elaborate;

The Music Box [Nicole Atkins]

In the second part of our Ladies Outside Live series, it’s off to the good old U.S of A. This singer-songwriter ranges from pop rock to blues with a hint of country, and backs it all up with one of the best voices in the business.

This is Nicole Atkins, live in an alley somewhere, singin' her song, The Tower.

News in a Minute: Thursday 7 February 2013

Welcome to Thursday 7th February 2013, the time is Seven, roughly.

This is News in a Minute, where we show you all the ingredients for the news in three easy steps.

First off, our headline story - which is something terribly important and relevant to your daily lives. Today, New Zealand's almost award winning, third most popular folk construction company, Mainzeal Property and Construction halted work after being placed in receivership yesterday. Now the boring and dull accountants will do a stock take of the business before deciding if it can run itself back into the black or if it is a basket case that needs to be liquidated. The company got screwed over after it had to repair leaky buildings it took massive shortcuts on when building them during the nineties, funny that.

Ahem, moving on, we now get to the meat of the news: filler. Today's flavour is world news but other options include weather and sport. First up, Iran has reportedly put a monkey into space. Well, almost everyone agrees that they managed it - it's just debatable that they were able to safely return him to Earth or not. At the same time they were engaging in the space race, Iran also unveiled a medieval style finger chopping machine. Excellent juxtaposition by the Iran News Agency there.

In other world news, back Home they finally found the King, who has been lost since 1485. Richard III was found hiding under a carpark by archeologists from the University of Leicester. A Palace spokesperson claimed he was not lost, but had merely been misplaced.

Finally we will follow One New's example and end with a fluff piece. Look! Some cute animals!!

And there we have it, that was today's news in three easy steps. Thank you for reading and remember:

Better Living everyone!

Super Numbers

After watching Super Bowl XLVII, the Dinosaurs and Dandelions sports department breaks down the numbers from yesterday’s game;

• Just before halftime, Baltimore kicker Justin Tucker attempted the first fake field goal in the games history. The play was unsuccessful.
• Baltimore won their second Vince Lombardi trophy with the victory, and promptly lost the trophy during their post-game celebrations.
• 14 percent was the increase in Chicken Wing prices, thanks to a shortage of chickens. The weather also caused a shortage in carrots and celery. Luckily, Canada had a surplus of wings due to ice hockey’s shorter season this year.
• 34 minutes was the length of the power outage that held up the game and absolutely definitely wasn’t caused by Beyonce.
• 300,000 online orders were placed with Domino’s Pizza during the Super Bowl.
• 50 million cases of beer were estimated to be consumed.
• 108 million people watched the game, making it the third highest rating TV programme in American history – after Super Bowl XLVI and Super Bowl XLV.
• Over a billion chicken wings were consumed, according to the National Chicken Council.
• The Ravens won the match, 34-31.